I Knew But Played Anyway

You: "Don't ever forget, I love you."

You really are not as clever as you think you are. You thought I believed all your lies. You thought I believed you were something you were not, the character you portrayed. Those moments of silence? Those weren't acceptance of your story, they were periods of time where I had internal dialogue with myself saying, 'Does this asshole actually think I believe his crap?'

I was not impressed with your stories of triumph over others, I was not impressed with what you claimed to have, I was not impressed with your hard time, I was not impressed with your "fists of glory" or that you claimed to be able to rip a phone book in half. Really? Prove it. You were asked to, you never did. Because you're full of shit.

I certainly didn't believe you when you stated that you loved me. Please. Do you think I'm desperate and need to hear that? Then again, maybe I was desperate for some entertainment considering how long I hung out with you.

I knew that almost every last thing that came out of your mouth was a lie. Everything you said to try to impress me was a lie. Even when you realized that I was so very unimpressed with the drugs you took and the alcohol you drank, you couldn't impress me with your lies that you didn't have anything that "whole day". Because I knew that was a lie, as well.

You, like many others, have spent your entire time around me, lying. I don't know why you all feel the need to do that....I guess you realize you just aren't all that or you think I'm better than you, I don't know.

What I do know is that if you would quit showing off for fucking 20 seconds and actually apply yourself to life in a real, honest, hard working manner, you'd be a hell of a guy.

But you won't do that. It's easier for you to live in a fantasy world, hazed by drugs and alcohol. You can't accept your reality. It's too painful for you. You're weak.

Reality isn't always pleasant, I fucking know, too well. And most people don't like to hear how unpleasant reality is. They all think you're looking for a pity party and not just sharing what actually has happened to you along the way. You're not allowed to share that.

Unless, you embellish it to make yourself out to be some kind of bad ass. Then it's ok. Right?

You're a loser. You didn't have to be but you are. You even lie to yourself.

Did I believe you when you said you would come back for me one day? Not a bit. I'm not sitting here waiting because I know you'll never show.