Another State, Another Town, More Fuckery

You:  "Unfortunately, tenants are not allowed to apply for the job because it's a conflict of interest."

That was about a year ago.  You knew I had been laid off and looking for work in this crap town.  I admit, it was my first "real" job working from home for a huge, well known company.  I thought it was going to go like any job at a brick and mortar place.  Hell, I've been a contractor before - it always went the same way.  So when our contract was not renewed after a year, I was blindsided.  That's my fault for being naive.  I won't be blindsided again - now I know to always prepare for the "just in case", and that hard work and high ratings do not always equal longevity on a job.

But back to you.  You knew all of this.  I've talked to you on many occasions when coming in to pick up a package or pay the rent.  So when I found out that you needed an assistant manager, I knew I definitely had the skills - totally overqualified, but hey, you can't be picky, right?  I'll take it.  Let me apply.

You, who has pretended to like me, told me I could not.  You didn't have a say in the matter, it was the property owner who made that rule.  I've learned along the way that when someone immediately blames someone else, they're usually lying about what they've just said.  But, I believed you.  Just like I believed you liked who I am.  Until I started exchanging notes with my next door neighbor and found out things are quite different.  Regardless of that, I still wanted the job because I wanted a damn job at all.  You like anyone who will listen to you bitch.  About everything.

Let's fast forward a year or so to the past week.  I came in to report something illegal I had seen go on, and waited on you to end your conversation with a city cop who had come by to discuss yet another neighbor who was up to no good, apparently.  I had no idea who you were talking about, but did start chatting with the brand new "daytime" security that you all hired.

Daytime security?  When did we get that?  I know we've had it for night time, but what the hell is going on that you need it for daytime now?  Turns out, daytime security is a temporary thing.  Why is that?

Well.  I soon found out once I got my opportunity to tell you what I had witnessed.  And because the city cop was still there, and you were still in that mind set, it was revealed that the assistant manager that you did hire (instead of me) had been let go, and apparently was causing all kinds of problems because of it.

Oh, and the most interesting part of it all?  The assistant manager LIVES HERE!

Well, well, well, what do we have here?  Did you forget your lie?  Now how is it that the former assistant manager was able to get the job even though they were a tenant, but I can't have the job because I'm a tenant and it would be "a conflict of interest"?  Why the need to lie?  I mean, if you're going to lie, why not just accept my application and say what every other company says:  "We went with someone more qualified."  I mean, it's not a difficult job, it doesn't take a lot of brain power.  You just have to be well organized, (one of my strongest suits), you have to be efficient (my second strongest suit), and you have to have a good work ethic, (just so happens to be one of my strongest suits, as well.)  That's it.  You answer the phone, you take notes, you write receipts for rent, you work on a computer and send out notices to those who didn't pay rent, etc.  It's not that difficult, so I seriously doubt you could find someone in this area more qualified than I am...over qualified...but at least you could have just said that, like every other company who lies about that.

But you know, I kind of think you did remember your lie.  You remembered it just a hair too late, however.  I remember that ever so slight look pass across your face - the look that says, "Oh shit, I told her tenants couldn't have this job".  I saw it.  It was very slight and extremely quick, easy to miss, but you see, another really strong suit of mine is my observation skills.  I've scared people with them.  People freak out when I get something right with the barest of information.  It's actually one of the things that some people don't like about me - that I can read people really, really, really well.  And they somehow sense that I can, so yeah, I'm not always popular.  People don't like their truths being known. 

You couldn't hire me, because I'm a tenant, but you could hire that other person, even though they are a tenant.  And right now, you don't know that I know you lied.  You don't know that I remember that.  You don't think I'm very smart.  I'm not as smart as some people, no, but I'm not an idiot, either.  And I have a very good memory - especially when I'm told why I can't have a job when I really want a job.

So, you have no idea that I know.  I never saw that splash across your face.  I'm really good at hiding how I feel.  You learn that when you're told, all growing up, not to reveal how you feel, you're just to sit there and smile and be quiet.  You learn how to mask things.  You learn how to keep any hint of how you feel off of your face.  I didn't get to be free with my emotions and feelings when I was growing up. 

Nonetheless, I do feel.  And now, I can't trust you with anything.  I realized I couldn't trust you with much, earlier than this, but now it's confirmed.  You "like" anyone who will sit in your office and listen to you trash talk the assistant manager (who, by the way, I never liked - she was very arrogant and mean - I think even a 'lay person' who doesn't pay attention to anything could sense that - yet you hired her after telling me I couldn't have the job because bs), you trash talk tenants in the complex - people I don't even know - you trash talk all kinds of people.  Which, of course, duh, means you would trash talk me, as well.  And you have.  My neighbor told me.

We will have no more sit downs.  It's pay the rent, leave.  Pick up a package, leave.  If I witness anything again, I'll just call it in, tell what I saw, and say I have to get going, but wanted you to know what was going on.  There will be no more "chit chats" and "friendly" (laughable) conversations.

There was no reason I couldn't have had that job.  I could still be working that job, right now, and you wouldn't be hiring day time security or talking to a city police officer in your office when you could be working.

"Conflict of interest" - indeed.

Family Members Are Just As Bad

You:  "If you aren't going to watch what I'm doing, then don't ask any fucking questions."

You think I don't see that expression on your face?  You think I didn't see you roll your eyes?  You think I didn't hear your under the breath comments that you uttered when I went outside and you forgot that the window was open?

You're family, and you tell the world how much you love me.  You say that you are so excited that I'm here. You say that you can't wait to do things with me, fun things that we never got to do.

The problem is, what you say, and how you act, are two totally different things. 

I did not hurt you.  I did not abuse you.  I did not take advantage of you.  I did not belittle you.  But you tell me that I look like the person who did, and it is because of that, which you said was no big deal, you were just sharing, I do pay for the sins of others. 

You have serious issues to work out, but you have chosen, instead, to use me as your punching bag. 

You say that you hate the person who did what they did to you, but you act exactly the same way that they do.  You both hate each other, yet you two are so alike, it's scary.

You fear that all will abandon you.  You fear that you won't have a family.  The reality is, you fear losing your control over people.  It's a war between you and another, because you are both sick in the head.

The rest of us are just your pawns in this twisted game that you play, and you will use anything to your advantage, and treat the rest of us like annoying pests.

You have something wrong with you, mentally.  You need professional help. 

You worry about me leaving your life forever?  You are scared that will happen?  Keep acting the way you've been acting, and that is exactly what will happen.  And I will tell you exactly why.  You pretend not to remember things, but the problem for you is that I do.  I remember.  And I will be telling you all of them, and walk out of your life forever.

Frankly, I can't wait for that day.  You disgust me.

You're Not Invincible

You: "I run this place. I do everything for this place and (the boss) listens to me. I'm in charge around here."

Not anymore. Finally, after years, everyone else is seeing what I've seen since I started working there. You're an idiot. You're a self absorbed asshole. You're a nothing.

You used to cause so many problems. You would cackle, with glee, in the mornings, starting shit, most of it completely made up, and state, "I'm stirring the pot, stirring the pot!" and rub your hands together in anticipation.

You're a sick piece of shit. You get joy out of ruining other peoples days...even if you have to embellish the story or completely fabricate it.

And you did cause problems for a number of people. To this day people are still paying for your shit mouth and the things you said in the past.

But you got yours didn't you, asshole?

You thought you were invincible. You thought you were famous. You thought everyone envied you.

Then you went and smashed your car across the road. You got seriously injured but you didn't want to stay in the hospital. You knew better. You were YOU and you were tough and damnit, no one was keeping you in some hospital bed.

So you left.

And to show off, you came to work, the next day, in your hospital gown, grass and shit still in your hair from when you rolled the car over and you were ejected from it. Hospital bracelet still on. You were helping to open up for the day. Because the place would fall apart without you. That place needed you. And you, by God, were there for that place. Or so that's how you would have everyone believe.

In reality, you were there for a bit of sympathy and for the admiration you thought you were going to get. "OMG! He was in a roll over accident, ejected from the vehicle, air lifted, banged up badly and look, here he is, still in hospital gown, working! What a trooper! How admirable!"

Idiot.

You didn't listen to anyone tell you that you were not ok. You didn't listen when we told you to put your fucking neck brace back on. You didn't listen when we told you that your head was swelling and turning the color of a tomato, right in front of us. You knew better, in fact, here were your release papers, you were giving them to the boss so you could start driving again. We were all idiots and trying to bring you down.

You were invincible.

So two days later, you hopped on your bike and went to the tavern to show off to your friends. And I'm sure they rallied around you, talked about what a great guy you were, how strong you were, how amazing you were...and you ate that shit up, didn't you?

And got drunk. And high on cocaine.

And got back on your bike to go to the local biker club to show off some more.

And that's when you fucking wrecked your bike. You blamed it on a dog, some people blamed it rival bikers following you even though you're not in a club, I think you were just drunk, high and a fucking twat.

And you were airlifted again.

And this time you stayed in a coma for months. You almost fucking died, you moron. You had brain damage. You couldn't walk. You were a mess on the verge of death.

Eventually, you came back. AND STILL you didn't want to listen to reason. You wanted to work right now! But the boss, thankfully, is more interested in protecting himself against liability and told you no. But you hung out, constantly, anyway.

And sometimes you cried and said you were a changed man. You didn't remember much and it "hurt" you to hear how you had been such a racist fuck to one of our co-workers. You were going to do things differently. You were going to settle down, stop being such a fuck up.

One year later, you're back to being a fuck up. You're back to using people. You're back to talking shit about people and "stirring the pot". You're back to your self absorbed attitude.

Only this time, everyone is laughing at you. Everyone is mocking you. Everyone is making fun of you behind your back and straight to your face.

I know you're faking a lot of things right now. You're making everyone believe that some things are still "injured" but I know you're full of shit. Your memory still isn't the best but it's better and you slip up from time to time and reveal that you remember more than you let on, for example.

You're not 100%, you may never be, but you are perfectly capable now and you have gone right back in to that shit way of being. Causing problems again, talking shit, making shit up, starting drama and watching it unfold because you are selfish.

But this time, no one is impressed with you. No one admires you. No one is in awe. Not even the boss, as much as you cling to that, not even the boss.

Someone else has taken your spot. You fought it at first but you realize now that you have to accept it because if you say anything, someone will rat you out simply because how you've treated people there in the past. And you know, you'll never be on top again.

You lost.

You're still trying but you lost. And you're done. You are no longer viewed as top dog, the whole reason for the business, like you were at one time. You are now viewed as just another body that works there.

You got what you deserve. You were and still are a fucking selfish prick. And I enjoy watching you suffer through it every moment. Karma's a bitch. Fuck you.

I Knew But Played Anyway

You: "Don't ever forget, I love you."

You really are not as clever as you think you are. You thought I believed all your lies. You thought I believed you were something you were not, the character you portrayed. Those moments of silence? Those weren't acceptance of your story, they were periods of time where I had internal dialogue with myself saying, 'Does this asshole actually think I believe his crap?'

I was not impressed with your stories of triumph over others, I was not impressed with what you claimed to have, I was not impressed with your hard time, I was not impressed with your "fists of glory" or that you claimed to be able to rip a phone book in half. Really? Prove it. You were asked to, you never did. Because you're full of shit.

I certainly didn't believe you when you stated that you loved me. Please. Do you think I'm desperate and need to hear that? Then again, maybe I was desperate for some entertainment considering how long I hung out with you.

I knew that almost every last thing that came out of your mouth was a lie. Everything you said to try to impress me was a lie. Even when you realized that I was so very unimpressed with the drugs you took and the alcohol you drank, you couldn't impress me with your lies that you didn't have anything that "whole day". Because I knew that was a lie, as well.

You, like many others, have spent your entire time around me, lying. I don't know why you all feel the need to do that....I guess you realize you just aren't all that or you think I'm better than you, I don't know.

What I do know is that if you would quit showing off for fucking 20 seconds and actually apply yourself to life in a real, honest, hard working manner, you'd be a hell of a guy.

But you won't do that. It's easier for you to live in a fantasy world, hazed by drugs and alcohol. You can't accept your reality. It's too painful for you. You're weak.

Reality isn't always pleasant, I fucking know, too well. And most people don't like to hear how unpleasant reality is. They all think you're looking for a pity party and not just sharing what actually has happened to you along the way. You're not allowed to share that.

Unless, you embellish it to make yourself out to be some kind of bad ass. Then it's ok. Right?

You're a loser. You didn't have to be but you are. You even lie to yourself.

Did I believe you when you said you would come back for me one day? Not a bit. I'm not sitting here waiting because I know you'll never show.

Easy For You To Say

There I was at work, talking to another co-worker who was teasing and I said, "Oh, don't start that! The last thing I need is another rumor flying around."

You: "Oh who cares about that?"

Who cares about that? I do, bitch, that's who. See, you're part of the problem. You stuck your nose in to my personal business and talked and gossiped incessantly with the whore boss. You made things up just to keep the story going. Made them up! Conversations that never took place, you fabricated and told everyone that they happened. How do I know? Because some people here like me more than they like you. And they told me where it came from.

Why do I care? Because of you busy bodies with nothing else to do, ruined something wonderful for me. And then you treated me like shit over something that was none of your concern. I got the cold shoulder, dirty looks, talked nasty too, not even a cordial, "good morning" could I get. Oh you would laugh and laugh with everyone else but when I came in to your area, the tension could be cut with a knife. You couldn't look me in the eye for two, solid months. You STILL have problems looking me in the eye. I went through a lot of hell because of your mouth and someone else's mouth so don't stand there and ask, "oh who cares?"

It didn't happen to you. Yet. You see, idiot, there is one person at this place who controls everyone else like a puppet master. We are all on his strings. He dances and dangles us around constantly. I have figured it out. Some have their suspicions but most of you ignorant fools can't see it.

Rumors and lies are floated around about every last person here. Every, last person. One person starts them all, spreads them all, makes them all up. One person. One person entertains himself with all of this so that he can remain on the top; take heat off of himself and cause chaos. One. Person.

I tried to tell you before but you didn't want to listen. So, in time, you're going to get a piece of it, too. In time, you're going to know what it's like to be treated like shit for two solid months over something that either isn't true, or is nobody's business. One day, you're going to understand exactly why I care.

You already had a slight taste of it a few months back and while it bothered you to no end, you promptly ignored the truth and opted to listen to the lies. Again, told to you by ONE person. I'm on to this person. And one day, that person, who thinks he's told all his dirty little secrets so that no one has anything on him, will find out that not everyone likes him. He's going to get his.

In the meantime, bitch, you might want to watch who you hang out with. Your shit will go down, as well. I could do a lot of damage to you right now, if I wanted to, with all the information I have on your ass.

Like how you sucked a certain someone's dick for blow who wasn't your extremely jealous husband.
Or what you said about your current husband and his relations with his father all the way until he was in his 20s. And how he liked it.

Wouldn't THAT be fun to open up in front of everyone? "Oh yes, she did say it! We sat right here, on this day, and she talked for HOURS. I sat back and let her."

You see, bitch, I don't make a habit of spilling shit out and gossiping and spreading shit around. But if you keep it up, I will.

I'm really nice, until you fuck with me. Then? I'll make you fucking cry like the bitch that you are. Drug addict whore. I could destroy your life right now.

But I bide my time. A wise man once said, "Don't interrupt a fool while they're making a mistake."

So I am patient. The right moment will come. And you will pay for the shit you pulled. Let's see how it feels to have someone fuck with matters of your heart.

Let's see how that makes you feel. I don't forget and I do not forgive on things like that. In time, bitch, you're going to get yours.

I do care, bitch, and so should you.

Thank Fuck That's Over

You: "I feel so bad about what happened. I thought I was doing the right thing."

You're one seriously fucked up individual and thankfully I do not know you any more. Buh bye, hope you had a nice flight, buh bye. Douche bag. Enjoy your shitty, reclusive, filthy, lonely, conspiracy filled life.

Moving forward: Now I can concentrate on the things I don't say out loud to anyone else I have to deal with in this world.

Let's start with...you, over there...yes, I've plenty to say to you.

I can't possibly quote all the stupid ass things you've said since I've known you but I will respond:

You're nothing more than a mail order whore. You waltz around like you're the shit but the fact of the matter is, you are actually quite ugly. Inside and out. You play people from both sides and you stick that gigantic honker of yours in to other peoples business and make assumptions based on PART of the conversation you heard.

Know what, hag? I've done more in this life time than you can dream of doing so don't even bother acting like you're better than I am. So you have a lot of money. Actually, you don't have it, your pimp has it. At least you were smart enough to have spawn so you will be set for life but you didn't earn any of that unless you consider fucking a living.

You're mean, you're rude, you're not as smart as you think you are and I'm on to you. And I think you know that I'm on to you. That's why you shut up quickly the other day when I walked in on you trashing someone we both know.

You, are a piece of shit. I'm not impressed. And that's why you don't like me. Oh no. Ow, that hurts.

Not.

I can't wait for karma to pound you in the ass. Of course, knowing what a skank whore you are, you'll probably enjoy it.

Worse Than An Absorbed Teenaged Girl

You: "Is this going to be a good day or a fighting day?"

First off, what a lovely thing to say to me, first thing in the morning. How about, "Good morning" before you start in with the passive/aggressive attitude? (Then, not 20 minutes later you have the audacity to ask me to make you breakfast. Are you serious? You've been sitting there for over an hour...are your fucking hands and legs broken? I JUST crawled out of bed, YOU make breakfast for yourself.)

Second, every day is going to be filled with underlying disgust from me that you don't actively get the fuck up and seek employment. You said yesterday that you were going to "extend" your vacation. Then you changed that to, you'll find work when you are "good and ready". Fucking great. That means you'll never work again.

Seriously, get the fuck off your lazy ass and find a job. Get out of the house during the day and let me do MY work so I can fucking earn some money! Right now I'm interrupted by you all day, every day, no break at all. Because you have to do your music.

Today you have watched yourself on you...........................tube over and over and over and over and over and over again. You're not reading comments, you're not looking at other videos, you are watching yourself, repeatedly, for hours! Fucking narcissist. Why don't you walk around with a mirror held out in front of you so you can admire yourself at all times. Jesus you fucking make me sick with the self adoration.

Put the fucking music away, put the fucking internet down, get up off your lazy ass, stop admiring yourself long enough to get. a fucking. job!

How fucking long is this going to go on? GET A FUCKING JOB!!!

Right now you are sitting outside, screeching at the top of your lungs, (you call it singing....you cannot fucking sing and people who say you can are tone deaf and/or lying right to your face), it's fucking horrifying to have to listen to that shit you call singing. What the fuck IS that? You're screeching and playing your guitar.

GET. the fuck UP. and GET. A. JOB!

God!